It's difficult to remember sometimes that I'm capable of a lot more than I'm doing now. Maybe it's depression, maybe it's just the crappy weather but it's so hard to get out of bed in the morning, let alone do my best in school and at work. Graduation is hanging over my head. What now? I have to clean up this mess somehow.

In any case, I'm really looking forward to Cincinnati in a few weeks. If you know about it and want to go, let me know. There's at least one spot left in the car.

Max is doing much better now. Some of you know from his journal what's been going on and some of you don't. Minor sledding accident --> major surgery. He basically shattered his elbow and after surgery on Monday, he has a plate and many screws in it. Tuesday post-op in the hospital was absolute misery for him because a large nerve was moved, keeping him awake all night after surgery, but we (his mom, dad, and I) managed to get him home to his apartment before the worst of the snow was down. Once he was home, he got some sleep and seems to be improving since then. Physical therapy isn't going to be fun, I'm sure, but at least it's steady progress.

Last Wednesday right before Max's accident, I had my history class from (6-9pm). I made friends with a girl there because we'd both arrived early. She was on crutches for a broken foot and I offered her a ride home when Max came to pick me up. She said that she'd finally gotten a hold of someone. We said good bye and that we'd see each other next week. Max's accident happened later that night. Fast forward through the next several days. I was barely in class and not at work (both because of Max and later the weather), so I lost touch with the outside world until last night. Apparently, Esther died shortly after I saw her that Wednesday night. The paper just said that the cause of death was unknown. South Bend Tribune

I've slept too little and felt too much this month already.

It's been a long time and a lot has happened. Work has fully moved into the new building and I now bang away in another windowless office. Last fall's classes weren't great but I survived them. Classes this semester are reasonably enjoyable and fairly low stress. Writing for the Computer Industry and Advanced Professional Writing: Usability will be the most work but the professor is a big geek so we get along well enough (which is fortunate given that he teaches both classes, back to back in the same computer lab twice per week).

Theoretically, I'm graduating this May but there's, of course, problems. Since transferring to the College of Liberal Arts, I've had four different advisors. The current one told me yesterday that she was working on contacting people for questions she couldn't answer about credits. This morning I get an email saying it's her last day and who my new advisor is, without any mention of if the new advisor has been informed about the graduation problem I have.

Assuming I do graduate, what happens in May is still a giant question mark. Max accepted a job last December as a software engineer in the Research Park, so he'll be here for a couple of years, at least. At the end of this month, he's moving into a nice apartment in downtown Lafayette. That mostly leaves my options split between comfortably settled and nail-bitingly unsure.

I've researched teaching English overseas. It's an intimidating prospect but there's a lot of good job opportunities that pay well. The money isn't a lot compared to what I'd be making here but the relative cost of living would be much, much lower, allowing me to live at a higher standard and still be able to afford to travel. I like teaching and think that it could be really valuable experience for the future. One of the main incentives for doing it this year is that I won't have any significant obligations or contracts after May. My lease is up, my car is paid for, I don't have any student loans, cell phone contract is complete, etc...

The next, more obvious choice would be to pursue technical writing and IT positions. I would probably enjoy it but I want to be careful about where I would choose to live. I don't think that I'd be at Purdue if I knew then what I know now. Technical writing is, in fact, more than just manuals. With any luck, I'd be able to get involved with a software documentation project or curriculum development.

The other possibility that I've considered is grad school. I feel like I need more experience or training before I apply though. My grades make me a very uncompetitive applicant. While I might be accepted, I would seriously doubt that I could get financial support. Georgia Tech has a program that I'd love to be in but it'd cost way too much without a TA/RA position. IUPUI might be more realistic.

Ho-hum.

Today has been a good day so far. I woke up later than intended to meet Max at work downtown, so I simply went to his apartment instead. There's enough tomatoes and peppers to last until next week, so I don't mind missing the farmer's market too much. Bleary-eyed, I walked from my apartment to his- a couple of miles. He bought cheese danish from the bakery down the street for breakfast. I made some eggs and bowls of fruit to go with it. We watched a few episodes of Star Trek before he totally passed out for the day, having worked the night shift last night.

I walked back across the river to the Cingular store where my outrageous bill was explained to my satisfaction. I agreed to share a plan with Max again last month, so there were a number of one-time charges and a partial pro-rated month on my account. With any luck and a little competence, I'll never see a $107 cell phone bill ever again (it's $50 after taxes for two lines normally with my discount). Somehow they managed to misspell my last name and put the wrong middle initial on one line and have the correct name on the other. How that happens, I have no idea.

I went into Borders briefly but was so irritated that I left and walked to the library instead. It's dumb that tattoo magazines are filed under "Men's Interest" but it's offensive that they're placed behind pornography. Does the manager of that store find Inked to be worse than Playboy? I looked at Vogue and Cosmo at the library. They're totally guilty pleasures of mine. The periodicals area of the public library is really peaceful and bright. I still have a book and a couple of movies from the library so I didn't check anything out today. I'm reading The Eyre Affair and have been watching "Shada" - a Tom Baker Dr. Who series. I finished the Ab Fab that I checked out.

I walked home after that and here I sit now. All told, I probably walked 5.5 miles or so today. It feels good to clear out my head while slowing down and appreciating the buildings and river that I often take for granted. It's easy to let things pass you by while you're in a car.

Productivity gave way to watching Project Runway and Treasure Hunters on Max's tv last night. He's getting the keys to the new place on Thursday and nary a room is packed. Fortunately, there's overlap between the two leases. He worked 8pm-12am last night so he'll probably be up in awhile. There's a few things that I'd like out of the apartment so hopefully we can take care of that tonight.

Life is pretty quiet on the whole right now. My next definite plans aren't until August 18-20 for the BME Chicago BBQ. What's a girl to do with herself?

This weekend could have been better. I nearly threw my back out again trying to move dressers from Max's apartment into the van. He ended up calling Pete to help him and then I was finally underway to my parents'. Driving the van can be a bit of an adventure in and of itself, but fortunately it ran okay all weekend (320-ish miles). The main purpose of the excursion was my grandfather's 80th birthday on Sunday. On Saturday morning, both of my parents were working so I puttered around the house, dolled myself up, watched This Old House, and made lunch for my parents. After they got home, we ate and then my mom and I went shopping. I ended up with a pair of black and red suede Van's on sale for $25. Tres comfortable. We rented Wedding Crashers and Derailed. My mom made food on the grill and we watched movies until British comedies came on. All in all, it was a pretty good day, not terribly fulfilling, but okay.

Sunday morning, I was up early but waited around for my sister to get to my parents' before we headed over to my grandparents'. I was dressed and nearly ready to go when she arrived wearing an almost identical outfit. I hated that when I was 12 and I most certainly hate it at 22. Changing wouldn't have been an issue if I had brought more clothes with me, but alas, I was flustered and in a hurry after getting the furniture loaded on Friday night. I dug out a slightly wrinkled but very cute dress. I threw it into the dryer with some fabric softener. Okay, dressed. It was now nearly 11:30. We get there and I start working with my grandma on her digital camera. She got it a few months ago but is now finally starting to get used to it. So, she and I were sitting beside the computer and a million other relatives were milling about through the kitchen, living room, and big side porch. I see my great aunt (whom I see once a year, if that, but she's talking to my mom and her sisters. It's now time to head over to the restaurant for our lunch reservation- everyone filters out to the porch and figures out who's carpooling with who.

I'm shutting down the computer in the living room and my great aunt comes over to me, asking very quietely as an aside "When are you due?"

....blank stare, speechless....

Her eyes got wide and she said "Uh, you're not pregnant, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't worry about. It's okay."

I suppose that I'll take being mistaken for pregnant over mistaken for a man. Unfortunately, she's far too nice for me to have retorted with something like, "I'm not pregnant, just fat."

The rest of the birthday seemed to be going well and my grandfather was having a fantastic time. After lunch, we came back to the house and various family members were taking various boats out on the lakes. My dad was looking fairly bored sitting inside, so I suggested that he and I should take his boat out. My dopey uncle was fairly prophetic as he sang the theme from Gilligan's Island, as he helped us uncover the boat and drop it off the lift. My dad was being a grump about going but when we finally got out, he seemed to be having fun. Several lakes away, we were circling around the island (just big enough for a cottage and white picket fence around it- wholly adorable). Sputter. Sputter. Motor dies. The nearest land is this tiny island and the water is fairly choppy. After a few minutes, he managed to get the motor started again. We head for my grandparents' lake. We made it across one basin before it starts to sputter again. He started it again and we made it across another basin. Then nada. Totally dead in the water with no cell phone (the battery on mine had utterly and completely died on Saturday morning). Being a stereotypical man, he was horribly pained to accept a tow from a passing boat and we argued about what in fact we were going to do. They towed us back to a nearby marina and my mother met us there after I called her on a cell phone from the people towing us. My father was not pleased and insisted on getting the motor started rather than going to get the trailer to take it out of the water. I left him to it after more arguing and walked back to the truck with my mom. Helllloooo, gravel parking lot. Good thing I wasn't wearing shoes. We got back to my grandparents' where my grandpa and his siblings were telling stories to my sister, who was writing frantically (she's more or less the family historian). We did the birthday cake thing and about an hour later my dad pulled up onto the boat lift. I didn't inquire how many more times the motor died on the way back. Fortunately, he came around and more or less apologized before I left that evening.

It was an okay weekend but it definitely could have been better. Celebrating this little boy's birthday would have been a lot more fun, but we'll have our time for 21+ debauchery yet. Now, I have to go starve myself and exercise for 4 hours. Not pregnant indeed!

I slept badly last night and feel completely out of sorts this morning. Hopefully, I'll feel better after lunch. Lazily enough, I drove to work this morning (partially so I can drop off the car at Max's since I'm taking the van this weekend). He emailed me to say that he took most of the stuff that was in the van, out, and then cleared off and emptied out all the furniture that I'm taking with me. This will make tonight go much more smoothly. I'll probably go home to make lunch and pack in an hour or so.

This morning at work has been fairly quiet. I've just been updating software and configuring a wireless router for our corporate relations person to take home today. I like her but despite having a department purchased P4 Dell laptop, she insists on also holding onto her ancient P3 HP with outdated docking station and no built-in wireless. I wouldn't care if supporting and maintaining both laptops weren't my responsibility. Things are stil slow enough around here for it to not be a problem though. I did get to tour the new building with my bosses yesterday and saw where my new office will be. It sounds weird but I'm going to miss sharing an office with Kip (my immediate boss). He'll have his own office with a window and I'll be sharing with the other student employee. Fortunately, Nick and I get along really well. The new building will be pretty swank if it ever gets finished. Good thing they have classes scheduled in the computer labs for when school starts in less than a month!

I've been going to the gym more seriously lately. It's time to whittle my way back down from 200lbs.

Me and travelin' duck:



I don't look that bad, do I?

My online paranoia has largely subsided, so it's back to regularly scheduled programming. With any luck, it's all fuzzy kittens and lollipops from now on.

The schedule for this fall has been pretty well sorted out. I'll work between 25 and 28 hours per week, while enrolled in 18 credit hours. Fortunately, sociology only meets one night per week and the astronomy lab is, of course, at night. My other courses are Introduction to Professional Writing (definitely taking that one out of sequence!), Creative Writing, Gender and Literature, 200 level French, and the aforementioned astronomy and sociology.

I've pretty firmly decided that I'm going to apply for grad school in technology education. It's definitely related to my IT experience and I'll be able to get a minor in Teaching English as a Second Language, something that I'd really like to do overseas for a year or two. I've started looking for education-related volunteer opportunities to help with the graduate application. My GPA is definitely high enough now but my transcript still bears the scars from several very bad years. I'm at a loss about which professors to ask about recommendations. I got along with a TA very well last semester but I haven't had very many good professors- at least not more than once, so it makes it really difficult to ask. Maybe this fall will yield someone early on. Early enough to meet application deadlines, anyway.

Pictures from Miami two weeks ago (more to upload yet):

This semester wrapped up in a wholly unexpected or even hoped for way. Of course, this means that it was far, far better than anticipated. 4 A's and 1 C (and I'm ecstatic about that C!). I feel like a huge burden is gone now that I know I won't have to repeat any classes. I honestly believed that one of those A's was a C or D. The professor drove me insane for months and I was completely shocked to see an A from her this morning when I checked my grades online. School is hardly the most important or most stressful part of my life but it sure doesn't hurt when it's going well. For those of you playing along at home, you'll appreciate that this is a far cry from the multiple semesters of academic probation that I've been on.

This past weekend, Max and I went to Chicago. We stayed with a friend of mine who was involved with The Vagina Monologues at her college. It was the first time that I'd ever seen them and definitely recommend that everyone hear them at least once. I felt that the pieces were very sincere and open, something that needs to exist more with women's issues. Before the play, Vanessa took some pictures of Max at Fermi lab- great graduation pictures for someone having just finished his undergraduate research dealing with them. Just a few miles from Fermi lab is this place. American Science and Surplus has a little bit of everything. Check them out if you get a chance. You never know when you'll need "Das Periscope." The show was a fundraiser for the local women and children's crisis center, so afterwards, we went with my friend Vanessa and her husband to a party for the people involved with the show and center. After a couple of hours of sangria and sweet desserts, we all went back to their apartment to crash. The next morning, Vanessa showed us around Geneva (lil' suburb of Chicago). They've got some great parks and paths along the river there. Her husband picked up the kids while we were out so we all ate lunch together. I *think* that they're 4 and 7, but exhausting in any event.

After lunch and a quick visit to Goodwill (bought a ton of nice things), Max and I headed off to downtown. We parked for an atrocious fee and visited Navy Pier. Max bought us tickets for the ferris wheel. The weather was fantastic- warm and sunny. There were lots of boats out on the lake. I was excited to see a four masted ship with sails, but then I am a big dork. We walked along the lakeshore to Millenium Park. If you get a chance, it's worth visting. I'll post some pictures of that later. Dinner was at a cute little place called My Thai- very good and shockingly cheap. We walked up Michigan Ave, wandering around for awhile before getting back to the car. It was such a good and relaxing weekend. We'll have to try it again sometime with a new city :)